How to stop Bullying

Myself winter 1955/56

The year was 1956 and I was a grade one student in Port Alberni, British Columbia.  One day I met my father at the door crying that a boy had hit me while we were on the playground.  “Daddy I want you to come tomorrow and hit him back!”  My father explained that was not possible but said that after supper he would teach me how to stand up for myself.  And he did.

First we started with a talk. Daddy asked why I would be afraid of a hit.  “Because it hurts!” I replied.  “You are tough” Dad replied, “you get spankings and never say boo (this was in the age of corporal punishment and I was very determined).”  And so the evening progressed.  Daddy taught me about “grounding myself”.  We worked all evening, my Dad on his knees to bring him to my height. “What are you going to do tomorrow?”  Dad coached. “Walk right up to the boy, ground myself, use my loudest voice to say How dare you strike me!”

 Did I follow the game plan?  Yes, and what did the boy do?   He turned and ran.  Was I bullied again?   Some children tried, .... but they did not succeed.  By the time I was in grade three we were living back in New Brunswick, and attending Cambridge Elementary School.   My brother Rodney was a bully magnet, underweight with white porcupine hair and a very slow drawling speech. Grade one and two had their playground on one side of the school and the older grades on the other.  Many days a child would come running over to our side calling “Valerie, Valerie they are beating Rodney!”  I would go and intercede.  Not once did I get in trouble for going on their side, or for “readjusting” the bully’s behaviour.  [Tip – older children can and should step in].

1960 grade 7

 My next incident of bullying happened in Grade five, again another change of location and another school.  [Notice a pattern? Often the new kid is bullied.]  This time it was not physical but more in the forms of put downs and exclusions.  I feigned ignorance and became the teacher’s helper. Soon I was accepted.

There was one more incident.   Grade seven and I was in high school, imagine – high school was grades seven to twelve!   I received anonymous letter contained a barrette.  The writers alluded to sexual activities I had supposedly conducted with some of our male classmates.   I recognized the handwriting.  The next school day I took one of the girls aside, casually showed her the barrette and asked what she knew of the letter.  She blanched, I had my answer.  “Anything more like this”, I said “and it goes straight to the principal and you know he can match handwriting”.   Within a day both girls came to beg my forgiveness.

 I wish I could say that I have never been the bully, but …..  In grade seven one of my friends developed a crush on a teacher. I thought it would be fun to write the teacher a letter pretending to be our friend. Others got in on the act.  It was not fun, it was mean and nasty and now almost fifty years later I am still ashamed!

Grade 9 - I am fierce!

There was an incident in High school when some of the boys thought they would call me "General Dairies".  I put an end to that!

In late years I have done anti-bullying programs with individual students.  This works about half of the time.  It is my experience that some children enjoy being the victim. It brings the attention they so crave.  Now I am not blaming the victim, what a sad statement that the child can only satisfy their need for attention by crying and tattling. I have spent a considerable time in local schools and seen many instances of adults bullying the students.   For bullying to end we need to;

·       Provide more ways to burn energy and aggression in schools, daily phys ed would be wonderful

·       Teach children how to stand up for themselves with their peers

·       Issue severe punishments for the bullies, loving those girls who cut the others hair is not my answer.

·       Teach, and expect, respect from the adults towards the children

Will any of my suggestions be considered?  I doubt it as No one Asked me    How to stop Bullying.